Since I am out of town for the next 8 days and don't have copious amounts of free time, I will do a mini version of UG Sports a day early.
I will talk only about football (the pigskin version, not the traitor version the Brits play) this week due to obvious reasons.
THE NFL SEASON OPENER!!!! Vikings v. Saints. 'nuff said.
Despite getting into what has been called a mysterious car accident, Patriots QB Tom Brady was declared unhurt and attended practice. Do we need more proof that the man is indestructible? Somewhere, the Baltimore Ravens are cursing the football Gods...
After weeks of riveting off-the-field drama, including an apology that wasn't really an apology, the Reggie Bush-Heisman-USC affair perhaps reached its peak this week when the powers that be demanded the Heisman back. For the first time in its history, the Heisman trust is rescinding the prestigious award.
Things are not going USC's way, are they? As if being severely sanctioned by the NCAA and embarrassed by Reggie Bush wasn't enough, former Trojan star (and Heisman winner) Matt Leinart was kicked out by the Arizona Cardinals because he sucked. Leinart signed a one-year deal with the Houston Texans. Can you say Burrrrrrrrrn?
Meanwhile, Tiger "Am I out of the" Woods made it to the Ryder cup team. So much drama for such a predictable result.
A pretty tepid week of sports in terms of actual sporting events. Plenty of extracurricular drama though. But before we get into that, enjoy this gem courtesy of youtube:
Don't try this at home.Please.
Football: His highness Brett "Hamlet" Favre finally decided to end his annual circus and announced he will play one more season with the Vikings. This gracious gesture was reportedly a "favor" Brett did for his beloved teammates, three of whom specially flew down to the majesty's palace to cajole him into playing with them one more year. Very gracious of you Brett, considering you got a substantial pay raise. I guess by doing them a favor, you made an offer they couldn't refuse.
Brett Favre as Marlon Brando, making an offer nobody could refuse.
Soccer aka traitor football: A lot of exciting things happened this week. Well, exciting if you are not Aston Villa, Wigan or Blackpool supporters. You see, all these sorry excuses for teams got schooled in football by Newcastle United, Chelsea and Arsenal six to nothing. That's right. Arsenal scored more goals than the French and the Italian teams combined during the world cup. So thank you Blackpool, Wigan and Villa for this little favour.
Blackpool FC: "We strive to please. Doing football fans worldwide a huge favour"
Out of the woods?Tiger "I drop off a cliff faster than a '68 Roadster" Woods did the public a huge favor by finalizing his divorce with his wife Elin Nordegren. Look dude, your wife showed a lot of class during this colossal trainwreck so I think it's time for you to show some class in return. One presumes Woods was sufficiently chastised, since he hired one divorce lawyer to Nordegren's EIGHT. One person who clearly enjoyed the fallout is Rachel Uchitel, one of Tiger's many many mistresses. Uchitel, slated to appear on Celebrity rehab with Dr. Drew, promptly announced she wants to marry Tiger now that he is available. No word from Nordegren yet. Meanwhile, Tiger's golf game is probably thanking him as well. Tiger showed a surprised improvement this week playing at Barclays. Maybe monkhood will catapult him to the top again.
Now if only James Cameron had been gracious enough to refrain from releasing Avatar again...
To commemorate the release of the entirely badass Sylvester Stallone vehicle (seriously, the man wrote, produced, acted in and directed the whole thing. Is there anything he cannot do?)the Expendables, here is a special UG Sports update.
Tiger tiger burning bright: Noted serial philanderer and former golf great Tiger Woods was the center of attention this week. Multiple outlets covered his stunning parabola of doom and there was a lot of speculation regarding his place in the US team for the Ryder cup. But he wasn't the only one getting the attention. Seems like a couple other individuals finally got fed up with the selfish, spotlight-hogging Woods and decided to do something about it. Corey Pavin created his own little firestorm when he issued a statement saying he would make a special exception for Woods, but then promptly retracted it using the stock phrase "I was misquoted." Enter Jim Gray. Notorious already for his botched LeBron interview during the Decision, Gray didn't help himself much when he called Pavin a liar and told him "You're going down" right in the middle of a freaking press conference. Bring your own popcorn folks! Golf has never been so much fun...
The bad, the ugly and the uglier
Futbol: After a seriously lackluster worldcup where its overhyped stars failed to make their collective presence felt, the chastened Barclays Premier League will kickoff its new season on Saturday. Tottenham Hotspurs take on a dramatically improved Manchester City. Meanwhile, its Spanish counterpart La Liga (simply elegant name, isn't it?), which had much more success at the world cup, begins its new season at the end of the month. I talked about soccer specifically so I could show this amazing t-shirt I saw the other day near my university campus:
Basketball: Pretty awesome hall of fame ceremony tonight. Scottie Pippen showing lot of class and humility tonight, in stark contrast to His Airness, who on this very stage last year taunted and mocked his critics.
I think that's it for this week. Some type of baseball action happened during the week, I'm sure, but I don't really care. Some NFL teams played some exhibition games too, but again, I don't care.
Oh yeah, go watch the Expendables. I know I am watching it.
