The terrifying specter of death by car wash

Not many things on this planet, material or otherwise, scare me. I am not afraid or terrified easily. Valor is practically my middle name and courage my favorite drink. In fact I am regularly known to indulge in acts of bravery and daredevilry (I once jaywalked in Washington, DC! A mere two blocks from the White House!). One might safely say that I live and thrive right on the edge. 

But that's not what I am here to talk about today. Today it is time to discuss my fears. Fears with a capital F. FEARS.

Now you may wonder - why is this guy blabbering about his fears? 

And I will counter right back - what is braver than discussing our deepest fears, our strongest foibles, our starkest shortcomings? Take the case of the philosopher/vigilante billionaire Bruce Wayne. He embraced his fears and look where that got him. 

On that note, let's move on. 

The five most badass quotes of all recorded time

Quotes. Everyone has them, everybody loves them. In this day and age of internet memes, corny motivational posters, and shitty self-help books with untenable nonsense, quotes are a dime a dozen. They have flooded our cultural psyche, polluted our minds.

Let us then harken back to simpler times (when the life expectancy was south of 35 and the food scarce and bland) when quotes actually mattered. Nah I am just kidding. These quotes are taken from all eras - fictional and not. Enjoy.


Coming at a comfortable #5...

The magnificent beard of Andrew Luck

As many people around these parts know, I am a fanatic of the NFL. And no, before you ask, I don't root for or support or cheer for one particular team. I am a fan (hey here's something I just noticed - 'fanatic' has 'fan' built right into it! Coincidence? I THINK NOT) of this beautiful, intricate game as a whole. The parity in the league, the superstars who entertain us consistently, the intensely contested games week in and week out - this all makes for an enthralling experience.

Three years ago I would blog a lot about the NFL. Every week I published an update. I stopped doing that eventually because the internet doesn't need yet another NFL blog. But I have to make an exception here. As you may (or may not) know it's playoffs time [insert obligatory Jim Mora playoffs?! rant here]. Some crazy shit went down last week in the wild-card round. In comparison yesterday's games were a tad tame. One thing stood out to me, however: the magnificent beard of Andrew Luck. Now I can grow and successfully rock a mean beard myself, but Luck's beard makes me feel inadequate. I can stare at that thing for hours, mesmerized and in utter awe of its magnificence.

This season Andrew Luck played like a beast. Despite throwing three potentially game breaking picks last week against the Chiefs, he engineered an epic comeback (the stuff that transforms men into legends), making for a scintillating viewing experience (probably not for Chiefs fans). Yes he got bulldozed by the Patriots run game (!) yesterday, but his beard made everything alright.

Take a look for yourself:

FEAR THE NEARD

PSA: This winter protect yourself with a ski-mask

Note: This post is about winter. If you are a Californian, you need to read any further. But I know you will read anyway because, let's face it, you will clamor to read any drivel I write. 

A massive winter storm (fancifully named "Ion" - while we are at it, can we stop naming these storms please?) has hit large swathes of the country leading to havoc, chaos and destruction everywhere. Ok I might be employing a slight exaggeration but that's mostly because I am bored sitting in my half-empty lab staring out at the sun glinting off mounds of snow. Most of St. Louis is shut down. Even my medical school classmates who are on rotations (you know, saving lives, helping people etc.) got the day off.

But I made a valiant effort to get out of bed, clean up and come to lab. All for the noble cause of SCIENCE. No sacrifice too big at this giant altar, as I often proclaim. With me, on this journey, was one crucial item (of clothing, I guess you could say) without which I would be floundering on the icy streets bracketed by ominous piles of fluffy snow.

In fact for the last 2+ years that I have been in St. Louis, this humble item (of clothing, I guess you could say) has protected me unfailingly from biting cold and many a chilly nights. I present to you the all-vital, all-sustaining ski mask :

Also goes by the name of a balaclava, snow mask, snowmobile balaclava etc. For only $11.27 this majestic item could be yours! (gosh I sound like a QVC schmuck). This bad boy has let me roam the streets of St. Louis at all sorts of odd-hours on my bicycle in the months of winter. IN YOUR FACE COLD WEATHER! Put on a beanie, fit this mask snugly over your face and zip-up - you are ready to go. Gloves and two layers of upper outerwear recommended.

Sure weak-willed skeptics will shy away from wearing this thing. They will say things like: "OMG you look so creepy" or "You like you could rob a bank". Pay them no mind. This thing is magical. Sure you will get the occasional weird look from pedestrians when you go walking out at 9 in the morning with this on, or the occasional hastening of steps of people around you at 11 at night when they see you, but who cares? While they are huddling in their scarves or whatever, you are walking tall and strong with the zip all the way up!

So heed my golden advice, go over to Amazon and order it right away. You will not be disappointed. Hands down THE best thing since sliced bread. And YouTube.