Make way for the freakmobile

If you live and drive around Los Angeles, you know the drivers here are crazy. On a given day, you will hear on average three honks, ten ear-shattering screeches and five-and-half Justin Bieber songs during a block-long stretch.

Just the other day, my friend got rear-ended on the relatively sedate streets of Westwood. It was night time, and thankfully traffic was light. No one got hurt and her car got a few scratches. The offender actually seemed quite eager to placate. He repeatedly assured her that he was a nice guy and that he never got into crashes like this (yeah, who goes around bragging about their crash exploits anyway?). They went through the routine accident protocol: exchange insurance info, phone numbers, took pictures etc. So far so good, right? Left. My friend told me today he is not returning her messages, nor is his insurance information correct. Oy vey. It's an absolute jungle out there.

Ok so that was all background info. Brace yourselves for a shocking piece of news. Our beloved benevolent behemoth Google is involved in a giant conspiracy to keep roads in Southern California in a perpetual state of anarchy!

At least that's what I gleaned from this article:
Google is testing cars that drive themselves .

Can you believe it? Sure we have phones that dial themselves (ever hear the phrases "butt dialing" or "pocket dialing"?) and contraptions that dry our hands for us. Or internet sites that foist musical choices onto us (hint: one of them starts with a P and rhymes with "andora"). But cars that drive themselves? Too much, Google, too much. The 405 is a hellhole as it is; we don't need freakmobiles to rack up those sig alerts.

Driving is one thing we Angelenos (not my choice of moniker - I prefer Angelicans) derive much of our sense of self-worth from. Taking that away is like giving a set of dentures to a doberman.

Oh and Stanford: better not cut it this close next time. As for UCLA, it was good till it lasted, wasn't it?